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Redmond Comes A Cropper | The Redmond Files

As I write this I am hurting. Last week I stacked my roadbike but today I got lit up hard off my KTM. Bent my 'bar. Limping. Sore ribs.

So, we have received a lot of mail here at Redmond Files and the one constant unchanging question seems to be “is a novelty horse head faster then Dame Enda sunglasses?”

As an elder Statesman (older Statesman) I share a lot of common ground with the Holden variety. I am expensive to run, loud, redundant and have a large padded seat.

In my quest to answer the above question (Mitch asks this question every second day) I recruited Kiwi Dave. My long suffering riding partner. He generally turns up with a carton and KTM 500 EXC-F. His poor EXC-F reminds me of what Elton John would look like if he fought Mark Hunt.

We head off into a storm-blown and wet tropical trail ride from my front lawn. Within a few mins I turn my bike around and dump the poor thing, feet out and arse overtakes my talent. Good for a giggle. I pick it up and hit the lights as if to make up for my goon riding mistake. I send the thing head first into every and any obstacle l can, searching for redemption.

On our muddy bush mx track I bin the thing properly. Top of 3rd gear, I get lit up hard and step off my Orange express shoulder first. Best crash I have had since I knocked my self out cold on minute three of a big ride on my 2008 530 EXC.

My ‘bar is bent and I am limping, my ribs hurt and I am winded. Kdav 762 shakes his head and tells me to get back on the horse and stop being a little bitch, He’s good like that.

So I am punching along the windmill track with bent ‘bar, hurt pride, sore ribs and ranga determination. I realise Kdav is not behind me. I stop and wait. He’s not following? I backtrack and find him sitting on his bike pissing himself. He points to the trail and says ” see this, this is proof Redmond was here” I look and I see late-braking overshoot mark followed by roost in a flowing berm. The Redmond tick. I laugh and agree that my old salt riding style does include a non-flowing shat pants signature brake then roost mark.

We stop and whack on the horse head riding gear. Followed by the very pinnacle of Aussie MX – the Dame Enda sunnies. The results are still inconclusive. My ribs hurt. I again dream of a golf hobby or playing guitar in a local blues band or anything that does not include an EXC face plant. Live to ride.

Live to ride.