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Day To Burn | The Redmond Files

TODAY I FIND myself with a day to burn in Central Qld. My normal modus operandi would be to conduct some research on the local beer taps and survey the purveyors of lunches on a counter.

Yep, important stuff.

Due to my recent over-enthusiasm with similar studies I decide to let the beer taps stand alone today. I leave camp on my Suzuki road bike around 10am and pick the gap in weather perfectly. It rains for the entire 50km ride and stops minutes after I park it under cover.

I kick off my boots and soaking-wet blue jeans and whack on my boardies and joggers. It feels good stepping from my motorcycle onto a mountain bike. I find an important part of riding a motorcycle is riding a bicycle. It is the genesis before the revelation (bicycle before motorcycle) in my rider’s theology.

I fill up my hydration pack with tap water, buttered a couple of Milk Arrowroot bikkies and chucked them in my pocket. They are an excellent snack but I mainly take them to fly the “ole guy” flag at the skate park. The 44-year-old on a mountain bike with the Grandma-spec snack.

I pedal up to the skate park and roll through a few jumps and lips, then I put my Camelbak and snack on the bench and jam my earphones in. I crack on. Can I use transcendental here? With my playlist pumping, pedals cranking and my wheels rolling I am certain I could describe the feeling in lofty terms but there is a better word. Ride.

I enjoy the skate park as I can just roll along the halves and pump the rolls-in and still have fun on the box without fearing an icepick from dropping in. As usual after looking at a power point for long enough I want to jam my finger in it.

I decide I can ride along the top of the lip between the half and the bowl. I declare to my nephew Bull, “Watch this, I will walk the plank” and I pedal off toward the tiny gap, my front wheel hits the lip and I axe myself. I fall long side down and bike lands on me. Muthaf*ka!!
The pedal cracked my shin and I drive my elbow into the concrete as the bike hits me. My nephew comes over and extracts the bike from around my ears and we piss ourselves.

One of my favourite parts of this particular skate park is the painting of a big purple blob alien spray painting a big green multi-legged alien, who wouldn’t enjoy seeing that?